Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
