I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
