im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This baby is an asshole
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
