I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
