Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
