Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
