umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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