I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
