Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
