mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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