can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
