just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
