for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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