do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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