If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
