Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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