I faked an abortion last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
