i think my tv is drunk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
