i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
