Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
