The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
