I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
