can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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