I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish my penis had a tongue
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
