Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
