I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
