we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
