with your own penis?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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