I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
