just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
