i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
