alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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