omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
