I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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