New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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