I just made out with a guy for $7.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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