i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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