so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
