So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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