Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
