I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
