According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
