It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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