I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
