So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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