he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize