My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
