Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
