The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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