yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
