She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
