you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
