it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
