my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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