I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
