i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize