i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
