so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
