whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
