I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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