i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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