hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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