This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
