I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
