Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
