i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
