those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
