Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
