he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
