He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
