you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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