He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
