okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
