so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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