Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
