So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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