No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
