Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
