Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
