I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
