woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
