Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
