It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
