If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize