He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
