She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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