I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
