So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
