i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
