she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
