my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
