You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
