We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your dad touched me again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
