apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
