I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
