Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
