I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
