so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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