I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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