dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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