Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
