just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
