Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
