You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
