We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize