when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
