You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
