What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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