Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
