just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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